too much vs not enough

After 2 weeks of being off and my test being over, I have come to the point where I am excited to get back to the hospital.  Isn't that just like my sinful, human nature.  I beg for time off, for rest, and have found myself searching for activities, projects, and things to keep me busy.  I am hard to satisfy.  I guess there is always a place for balance in my life.  I have enjoyed my time off and now find that I am extremely grateful to be starting back in the hospital on Wednesday.
I mentioned that I was going to start trying to cook.  Well... I have made exactly two full meals during my time off. Pathetic. However, I got a really cool 5 Ingredient cook book at a wedding shower and had pretty good success with my second meal.  Maybe there is hope in that really simple book of recipes! I have decided that I do enjoy cooking if it can be done with relative ease.  Complicated recipes with lots of ingredients are not for me.  They kind of stress me out... I just look at all the ingredients and think, "Yeah right. No way this is going to turn out well." The good news, I've got a lot of time to get better.
Other fun changes around here, I have a new floor! The carpet is gone!

 It looks AMAZING and have Daniel and his family to thank for it.  They did such a good job, and it has started some fun house projects, cleaning, and decorating to prepare for October!  It really is just around the corner and I can't wait!

finally a break!

After the past 5 weeks and three years of studying non-stop or being in the hospital all day, I have taken my Step 2 CK and have 3 whole weeks to take a break!  In Meg language... I will be watching a LOT of movies and I trying to learn to cook.  October 6th is coming soon and currently all I know how to make is spaghetti.  Not promising.  Here's to the first day of my break and cooking dinner.  I am sure it will take me way too long to cook and I will probably apologize a million times to the unfortunate souls that actually have to eat it.

As for what I have already done with my 4 days of break: one of my sweet college friends came in to town and we were able to spend the weekend catching up and visiting.  We also got to go see one of our sweet friends that is having a little boy in October.  So fun and she was so stinkin cute with her baby bump.  I love when I get to spend several, undistracted days with my college friends.  I miss them so much and value their wisdom and grace. I realize how extremely fortunate I am to have been entrusted with their friendship.  I look forward to having all of them stand next to me on one of the biggest days of my life.  They are wonderful!  Unfortunately, I do not have a picture of all four of us from the weekend or the cute baby bump.

                     (Picture from college of the three of us.  Clearly I should take more pictures!)

Well... off to the store to get the needed ingredients for the dinner to be tackled! Wish me luck!

new lessons

What is funny to me is how clarity seems to come out of no where sometimes.  It's like you have been praying and questioning and searching for clear answers and then waiting.  Confusion remains and you continue the cycle of praying and waiting.  Then, all of a sudden, you see clearly and all the pieces fit together.  You understand your own feelings toward the question at hand.  You see the obstacles that God has been dealing with in you and your answer sit revealed in that moment.  Now that doesn't mean that the obstacle, or sin (as in my case), is gone it just means you are aware of it.  Which is a good thing because awareness definitely leads to healing and moving forward.  Vague enough for you?
Let me be more clear!
I have been wondering for several months exactly what type of residency I want to pursue this coming year.  I have gone back and forth between a combined residency in Internal Medicine and Pediatrics or just pediatrics.  There are tons of complicating factors to this above decision but I will only list the ones that seem to reveal my heart most clearly.  As many of you know, I lived in Kenya for a while on missions.  I went to medical school with the intention of going back to serve as a medical missionary.  Everything I signed up for and worked towards was to do just that.  Being a medical doctor in the bush of Africa, single.  Well insert God's humor here because very few of those things are going to happen and that, I believe, is because God had something different in store for me.  I have struggled with letting go of my own plan.  Mostly because I enjoyed the stability and comfort of clinging to one vision.  Wrongly, I liked control and still do.  So, decided what kind of doctor to be was a battle between how I had planned to serve the Lord and how He wanted me to do so.  The truth is, at this point in my life I don't feel led to return to the depths of Africa.  I see God's leadership in getting married and learning to radically serve him  not in kenya of missions but in Jackson, MS learning how to eventually be a godly wife, friend, and sister.  Trust me... I wanted to do something radical but my intentions at the moment would not be pure.  They would be in vain.  I suppose I have always overlooked the importance of godly living, ministry, and evangelism within the family unit and God has revealed my sinful prejudice for foreign missions.  I now look forward to the next step of my journey - and serving my faithful Father on home soul.  There are still hearts that are lost right next door to me and what better way to show the love of the Father than to prepare to have a marriage that mirrors God's love for the church.

saturday...

Oh, Saturday morning. There is something extremely refreshing and relaxing about waking up to a whole pot of coffee and several hours to do nothing... or in my case, leisurely study.

I would say I have grown out of my days of loving to intensely study all day long. I would guess that the new jewelry on my left hand has something to do with my change in intensity. However, it is a welcomed change. It is amazing how time, maturity, and love can provide so much perspective. Not that school is not still extremely important. It definitely is but it has been bumped down the list a bit. There is something to be said for balance and I know that I would never have come close to achieving such on my own.

The Lord has asked us to wait patiently on him because He is faithful and really does work all things together for our good. Hindsight is 20/20 and looking back I can see the perfect hand of God orchestrating each and every day of my life this past year. Why did I waste so much energy worrying about it? Oh lessons learned....

Wait patiently and remember the faithfulness of your Father.

where is the hope....

Today, I was reminded of an age-old lesson....life, quite simply, is just not fair sometimes.

It never ceases to amaze me the information that I am entrusted with because I hold a clipboard and wear a white colored coat. People daily pour out their heart and lives to me with such earnest request in return. help. care. love me.

Today I met one of the most resilient human beings I've ever had the pleasure of knowing. This individual had almost literally been through hell and back and lived to tell of the story. She shared some of the most hurtful things that I could ever image and I cried. My heart was overwhelmed and I knew no other way to respond. She had no tears to offer the offense today. She has cried over it most of her adulthood and yet had found hope to go on, to tell her story, to continue her life journey.

For me, I know what that hope would be...but what is it for a dying, hurting world? I have to believe that Psalm 19 is right and that the "heavens and earth cry out in a language understood by all." Hope... well it's engrained in us because we are made in the image of Christ the King. He is our hope, strength, and very breath for the hardest days in life and in the midst of the most unbelievable cruelties suffered by human beings. Praise the King for his ever present help!

"I waited patiently for the Lord; He turned to me and heard my cry. He lifted me out o the slimy pit, out of the mud and mire; He set my feet on a rock and gave me a firm place ot stand. He put a new song in my mouth, a hymn of praise to our God. Many will see and hear and put their trust in the Lord." (Psalm 40:1-3)

Sundays are best for...

happy Sunday to you all and may your day be full of scripture, love, napping, and a good cup of coffee!